she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
