I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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