Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
