i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
