this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
