Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
