So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
