apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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