i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
