Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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