ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
