god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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