You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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