Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
