i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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