she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
