you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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