Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
