wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
