Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
