He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
