i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
