My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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