Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
