have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
