Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
