I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They took my balls.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
