Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
