I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you traded sex for a burrito?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
