He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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