Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
