She said her name was "party"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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