I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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