So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
