Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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