i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
