AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
