i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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