Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
