So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
