is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Actions speak louder than pants.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
