I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Enjoy the penises
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
