And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
