It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
