yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
