omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I die, sorry about rent.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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