my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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