He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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