well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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