you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
