i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
