I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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