how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
